I, Billy, wish to inform you of some distressing news. As you may or may not know, I do not regularly post or read the sorts of "blogs." Frankly, I have better things to do with my time. It has come to my attention however that my dear wife Holli has been misleading in her story about a certain "wall-sitting competition." As I was of course not present for this battle of strength and wits, and was certainly not the mysterious competitor who may or may not have lost, I can only relay the suspicions that I have concerning what actually took place.
I wish to portray my position that while Holli may have "won" this event, and certainly didn't let it go to her head, she did so in a dishonest and disgusting fashion. May I present Holli's wall-sitting coach for the past 7 months; a Mr. Sherman Gustov.....
Now, not being one to pass judgement myself, I have obtained the testimony of serveral doctors in the expertise of "sports enhancement." It is these doctors opinion that this Mr. Gustov may be illegally injecting himself with a metabolic steroid. It has further been documented that Mr. Gustov has, in the past, coached such athletes as Barry Bonds, Bill Romanowski, and Keanu Reeves. All suspected steroid users.
Does this circumstantial evidence prove that perhaps Holli won her wall-sitting competition by cheating?!?! No, but believe my next piece of evidence will seal the deal. As I was searching my bedroom today for my Sunday School Manual (it is Thurday already and I haven't prepared my lesson for the 14 year olds!!), I came across a sight that broke my heart. I can't bring myself to describe what was hidden under Holli's pillow, so I will let this picture speak for itself...
I ask you, friends and family of our beloved Holli, don't let her supposed success tempt her to do something that might permanently damage her, and remember...
Don't be a dope....um...don't dope.
6 comments:
a win is a win billy. and at least she's not terrified of the heber creeper
Billy Billy Billy what can I say. you always have a way of making me laugh. only you could come up with something like this for the reason of Holli winning. you have a very active imagination. I can't wait to see with what you come up with next.
Billy...now come one...Megan is right...a win is a win. Take it like a man :)
first of all - might i say what a shock it is to "see" you here, since you obviously have more important things to do. apparently, your ego has been shattered, or else we wouldn't be having this little blog-versation, now would we.
as far as your circumstancial evidence goes, billy...how do we know that the supposed syringe wasn't planted by the defeated opponent, perhaps. Besides, did you not see the bandana Holli was wearing? That should prove that she DIDNT cheat. Cuz NO ONE - I repeat NO ONE would purposely wear that lavender bandana unless they were serious about such a sport.
get over it, already...she won.
Apparently you people were not listening. I was no where near this competition and the fact that Holli won has nothing to do with my commentary. I simply feel that perhaps she is headed down a steep, slippery, yet very muscular slope.
And the Heber Creeper is death on rails; I don't care what anyone says.
I was very surprised to hear from you. I am glad I did. I hope all is well! I love it when a girl beats a boy!!! Things are very different here, but we are adjusting. Keep in touch!
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