Greetings my fellow Americans

I, Holli, wish to announce that I have undergone a radical medical procedure recently. I have now been infused with the eyes of a pelican, the mind of a 1986 Macintosh computer, and the wrestling prowess of a Rulon Gardner. As I am now obviously better than most of you, I wish to speak down to you. That is, tell you things that you should be able to figure out on your own, but are perhaps too dimwitted in the cranium to discover naturally. First and foremost, Michael Jackson is in fact the infamous Skeletor hidden behind a thin shield of fine linen. B of all: The Macy's Day Parade never happens! It is all a conspiracy dreamt and plotted by the 3 major corporations in America. Those of course being McDonalds, Hardees, and Tachigowa Electronics. Have any of you ever been to that parade? I thought not. My third, and regrettably last point, is that the number pi has for years been mistakenly identified as 3.14159 blah blah blah. This is in fact incorrect. I have recalculated the actual numeric identity of pi and come up with the answer of 12. Yes you have heard me correctly, pi is actually 12. Please recompute your mathematic calculation machines to this specification. Now that you have been given the wisdom that only our founding forefathers have before received, I wish to big you adyew. No that is not spelled incorrectly, that is another thing you simpletons have blundered. Adyew my fellow Americans, and may the wind of a tiger be your guiding smell!